Shadow Void

Latter-Day tears

I don't know why I read that book. It always makes me cry. I don't know if any of you have read it or seen the movie, but to me it's powerful. It's sort of how I envision things. I feel very much like Aaron at the towards the end of the movie. The part where his mom and him exchange words in the kitchen. Yeah...that is how I see my family reacting. Yeah...my older brother took things pretty well, but even he has his limits I think. I don't know how other people do it. How other people seemingly just step away and go on with their life. I guess, my situation doesn't help much. Right now, I am holding back tears because I don't want to moisten my keyboard. I'm thinking of throwing the book away. Right now, a small part of me is even asking myself, why I allowed myself to...to admit who I was. Oh....don't get me wrong, I don't plan on digging myself back into the closet. For a person in my situation, maybe the blog was a bad idea. Maybe it puts too much of me out here. What makes me even more afraid is that if and I hate to think about this because it just gets me down, is that I won't allow myself to be with anyone. I want to but a part will fight it. A part of me will tear and that is what I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing me so far there has always been a safety valve around to hold back the flood. Right now, I don't have a safety valve expect for the you and my writing. I hate to think what life would be like if I didn't have this to right things out. In a way, it makes things better. I can vent and cry out my heart. I'm at a point where I can feel myself tearing away from my past. I can feel stares at church and maybe I'm wrong. I know my testinmony isn't as strong as it use to be and it's affecting how active I am at church. For awhile, I was missing on average 1 Sunday each month. On the Sundays that I did attend, I wasn't attending my meetings expect for the sacrament. There was always a friend who I could talk too or cub scout stuff that I could work on without interrupting anyone or being rude to the teacher. I'm okay, it's just a small case of depression. Yeah, I admit it, that plague has a hold of me. I'll be okay! Michael, Jeremiah, and Gus if you're out there and you read this thanks for helping to make me strong. Anyway, I'm going to go! I'll catch everyone tomorrow after this has passed.

Freedom's Breath

I read all the history books and they just didn't talk to me until the day that I read your story. It was written so that I could read it nothing fancy just your thoughts. You fought for the freedoms of your sons and daughters that they might have a future on this land. I can't say that I felt understood all your sacrifices but reading how you suffered made me appreciate a little bit more the men and women who fight today. Each word written by your hand somehow they reached me. I found my tears creeping down my face as I read about the wife that you left behind. I cried when I heard that your friend had been slain. I'm sorry for the things you endured but I'm so thankful for what you did. I use to take freedom for granted. I didn't use to care but somehow now, I stand proud when I see the flag or hear our anthem. Not a day goes by now that I don't give thanks for all the freedoms that you fought for so that I could be free. I don't know if you are aware but you have a grandson, whose proud to say that I'm an American. Thanks Grandpa! Thank you so much!

Firework

Coming up this weekend is going to be the Independance day as if I remind any of you. With July 4th comes fireworks and with fireworks, there is noise and the threat of fire and injury. I want to take a second to address fireworks and how best to save your pets and wildlife from being hurt by your celebration. First lets talk about pets, it's mostly dogs that I'm worried about though other animals might also be affected by the noise. I watched today as my brother's German shepherd, Mia, literally jumped half a mile at the sound of someone's firework. Dog do not like the noise that fireworks generate. If you have a dog that is usually an outside dog or if you normally let your dog out by itself to use the bathroom. I am asking that on July 4th, that you put your dog inside and keep it inside until the explosions of the night are over. Our shelters are already busting at the seams with strays. Many shelters see an increase of dogs at their locations. Dogs are scared of the noise and can be easily spooked by them. An animal that would normally never run away might be spooked into running away from the sound. I know of people who have allowed their dog to go out on New Years eve or the 4th of July only to have the animal take off on them. The pet was never seen again. In at least one case, it was News Year Eve and the dog was a pure breed.

I mentioned in the above paragraph that wildlife could also be hurt by your celebration. What I'm talking about is fire caused by a firework. If fireworks are illegal in your area. Follow the law and don't set them off. Every year in Utah it seems like there is at least one wildfire set off by fireworks of course this depends on how dry it is in many places. Fires can destroy our homes, other property, and acres of land used by wildlife. Be smart and don't let fires get a hold. Another thing you can try is having a bucket in place where you can put your kid's spent sparklers and make sure to have water in that bucket.

With that stay safe and enjoy your 4th of July!

Gays in the military being looked at

Defense Secretary Robert Gates is looking at the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy and trying to figure out ways to make if more Humane for us. One example mentioned are those who are revealed by a third party. A fair number of individuals felt the need to ask questions or make comments that are just stupid in many ways either they are basing their comments on stereotypes or their own ignorant views. I've already commented on the comments but thought that I might write up a blog post of my thoughts on their comments. I am not going to post the original comments nor will I leave any quotes from the comments.

One of the people leaving comments asked about housing and bathing of gays amongst their heterosexual counterparts. One other person made a comment about a gay soldier possibly getting erect in the showers while looking at his fellow soldiers. First off they would be members of a unit and as such, I think they should be housed together and allowed to shower together. Not every gay guy out there is seeking out straight guys to prey on. I think those who decide to serve in the military are very much aware of the hardships that might come along no pun intended. As far as gay soldier getting erect in the shower, I'm not sure that the straight soldiers would be comparing penises or bodies, but I would imagine that occasionally an erection pops up even among them. After all, they are washing down there and many of them leave behind wives or girlfriends.

Another person wrote over her concern that we wouldn't be treated the same by our str8 peers. You know what, when women were first being welcomed in as regular fighters in the military. There was concern they wouldn't be able to hack it. You know it's not an issue. Those who sign up for the military are doing it because they want too. Which means, they would fight and do the job. Many soldiers have already been fighting alongside gay men already. I don't know what to say about this.

This next one really bothered me because I hate stereotypes. This poster wanted to know how often the gay soldiers would be tested for HIV and how they would protect the "straights" from their blood splatters. First off, I want to know what would protect a gay soldier from the blood spatters from a "Straight" soldier who has HIV. Come on now, not every gay guy in the world has HIV. I think some people really have their heads screwed on the wrong way. I might be talking to the choir on this piece but this one caught me off guard

This next person said that he/she believes that we could serve effectively in the military, but he /she has concerns with us being emotionally fragile. I think there are just as many emotionally fragile soldiers who have been in the military. I don't think you can take one stereotype and apply to it all the gay men and women out there. Basically, it's what this person has done. I don't agree with their thinking. At least they would be willing to see us serve.

Where is the line drawn on sexual perversions? Well, interesting question? Let's see once again it comes down to what is legal within the United States and what isn't. In our country, a person is a pedophilia is committing felony. I assume that bestiality is also a crime worthy of being a felony. Don't they do background tracks of people as they join the military? As far as I'm concerned let them serve. Who would they be hurting? And if they act out while serving and are discovered, I'm sure they will be court martial and tried for their crimes. Yes, God is very important. Yet, I'm not sure how he plays into this debate.

This next comment really got me mad. They claimed that we would be a security risk as well as a disgrace to the military. What about all the soldiers who committed acts while in Iraq. I'm thinking of those who humiliated their Iraq prisoners. It's not cool. If that had been our boys or men humiliated, we would have rallied behind them and smacked someone upside the head. To me that was a disgrace. If you are going to disqualify us from the military and remove those of us who are serving in the military. Well, then I think, we would remove every soldier who has a tattoo. I think we would remove any soldier who has had sex while on leave. I think we should remove any soldier who has ever gotten drunk while on leave. Okay, well maybe not but you get my point. We aren't any more of a security risk than any other person serving in the military.

This last one got me pissed. The person who posted this claimed to have family who served in the Civil war. She said that if a sissy boy had been in there platoon they would have tarred and feathered them. Quite frankly, this is a different age. I think any man or woman who serves in this great military is anything but a sissy. I could never do what do them on a daily basis. If you are capable of taking a life, you are not sissy. If you can do the job of a defender for our country you aren't a sissy.

I am very proud of our fighting men and women. I don't care if they're bisexuals, homosexuals, or even if they are straight. Their soldiers doing what many us aren't doing. I give them credit where credit is due and there isn't a single person in this country that should throw slurs or ridicule their service for this country.

 

 

What Speech would I like to hear?

This question comes from http://www.belicove.com/. So what speech would I have wanted to hear personally? I don't honestly know which one I would have wanted to hear. There are two that come to mind; Lincoln's Gettysburg's address and Martin Luther King's famous speech. I picked both of these because they are famous. I don't know all of Lincoln's agenda's while in presidency, but I know he had a ton of stuff on his mind. Can you imagine being president of this nation and watching as it fell to pieces before your eyes? Society was at a breaking point and finally all those dammed up emotions came rolling out into Civil war. This president officially ended slavery in our nation. He didn't stop all the oppression that would come with emancipation. He helped our nation through the Civil war. Martin Luther King's speech gave us hope. I would have loved to be been in that audience to hear his words, rather than just reading about in history books.

 

At any rate I'm gone for now.

Missed it again

I sat through church wanting to be someplace else. I wanted to be in Chicago more than I wanted to breath. You have no idea what it means to be in Chicago for Pride. For me it's not about the hunks in briefs, it's about the feeling of being surrounded by people like me. There is something about being with others who are gay that is uplifting. For someone who sort of lives in isolation from the rest of the community, I love being there. Yeah, I know that I'm soft spoken and totally shy. Oh yeah...I'm shy, so I'm not exactly going to Pride to meet someone. I just love being there and feeling the energy given off by the crowed. Sure it's not for everyone but I still love going. I miss being out there. Anyway, I am going to go.

Death To Kids???

I am sickened right now. Three kids have died two from my area and from Massachusetts. One died because the vechile carrying her family was smashed between two semis. One was killed by his babysitter and her boyfriend. Then there is the 7 year old boy who was beaten by his dad on Father's day. It sickens me that the later two had to meet their end at the hands of sick freaks. Don't they realize that we won't be the one's giving them punishments. We can only dish out mortal judgements. I hope they pay. I feel sorry for the truck driver who hit the family. I know in that case that is was an accident. However, the latter two still could be alive. Someone decided that they should die all of these morons need to be taught a lesson. For what I am about to say may make me just as bad as them but a few priceless stings from my scorpion might teach them a lesson. Oh...it's nothing that would kill them, I can promise you that. People who hurt kids need to be punished and not left off for F***ing good behavior. They need to know they can't get away with this crap. Maybe my history teacher in high school was right. He thought there needed to be a revolution of sorts in our country. He joked that I would fit into the new order of things. Did he know something that i didn't? Yeah I have potential. I believe in kids. I know they are the future. These sickos and everyone like them. They need and deserve special treatment. Such a cheerful piece of writing huh? That father didn't deserve to have a child.