Shadow Void

20 Years From Now

Okay, so this a second reply of sorts to another article that I did a couple weeks ago. It's a reply back to Siouxguy67. I hope this adds to the reply that I already made. This entry will look at the same areas that I covered in the last post, but it's written for the future. With that I'm going to jump into this entry.

So what do I hope to achieve in the area of my career? There really isn't room for growth upwards unless I go back for my teaching degree with emphasis in special education. In some ways, I am hoping that I'm out of the field by the time I am 58. If not it's not really a big deal. I love the job even though it's not the easiest job in the world. As I've said before, I won't get rich from this job. Luckily for me there are plenty of other rewards to be gained. This job drains you physically and emotionally at times. I know that I can handle the emotional side of it but at times I question my ability to handle the job on the physical end of things. Would I do instead? I really do not know. I love would love to follow my heart and work with animals in educating people about the world around them before it grows to late.

Romance, hmmm....I don't want this to become a "I am sooo sad since I don't have a man" paragraph. I've been single for a large part of life. You know as long as I have good friends, being single a little while longer wouldn't be so bad. Would I like to have a relationship? Hell yeah, he just has to be comfortable with me and my hobbies.

What about coming out? My goal to come out to my parents. If that doesn't happen, then I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. My niece told me that my neighbor knows about me which is sort of cool and sort of scary. I'd like to be out at work but not if it is going to cause me headaches on the job. At this point, I've told me friends and my older brother's family. I've got a good sized safety net of sorts.

When it comes to my writing, I wold love for someone to see themselves in it somewhere. I don't consider myself to be the best writer in the world and yet, I've been told that some people really like my work. Don't why but my story the "The Mirror" seems to have a small following. I love to create pieces around titles. I love to just take an idea and run with it. You know things are good when you start to write or type and the jobs just come out like water upon the page. Well don't know what else to say so I'm going to run.

The Home; Center of Learning

It's true the home is the center of learning. Want your kids behave, to have a morals, to love to read, start early with them or you might just be S.O.L. How you raise your kids can dictate how they learn. What habits you have can impact your child. Your likes, dislikes, and fears can impact your child. Let's not forget how you discipline them. You can also pass off your attitudes to them.

So much of what goes in the home is picked on by our kids. Kids, especially little kids know when something isn't right. They can pick up on mom or dad's emotions. They can learn words and language by simply listening to what's being said around them. If you want your kids to read, then you need to read to them while they are young, and if you do read to them then, there is a good chance that they'll continue to read. Children are sponges capable of picking up on a lot. You just have to work with them. By establishing a love of learning, you are really helping them out in the long run. Keep in mind though, they have free will and may decide that they don't care for learning.

Your habits can impact your kids. Again kids have free will so nothing is totally set in stone but we know that some bad habits are easier to pick up on if your parent's have them. If you smoke around your kids, you be setting the stage for them to smoke. I know a family where both the husband and the wife smokes and it seems as if the kids are always sick with colds. If you drink in front of your kids you could be setting the example. Luckily kids do have a mind of their own and can change the possible future.

Kids are also good for picking up on mom's or dad's likes, dislikes, or fears. They will pick up your food choices. What fears you have and the way you react to them can determine if your child also has that fear. Your reaction to a snake, a spider, or a mouse can impact your kids. What worries me the most are the things that a kid can learn from the parent's. More precisely, I am worried about passing hate to our kids.

When I think of all the things that a child can learn from their parents, the one thing that sickens me the most is hate. It doesn't matter what form the hate takes either. It could be racism, a hate for someone's religion, or homophobia. Like I said, it doesn't matter what you hate. Hating someone and not knowing why is wrong. Let me correct myself, hating is wrong. So my question is, why teach it to your kids? ( I know not everyone teaches their kids. ) It's time we ended the hate.

Kids need to be taught morals, respect, love for themselves, responsibility, honesty, and integrity. I know there are some kids who are being taught to show respect to others, but there are others who aren't. They need to know how to handle conflicts in their own lives. They need to appreciate their belongs and the belongs of others too. They need to know that they are okay. They need to know that you love them without any conditions, PERIOD!

 

 

A Piece That Isn't Named

This is another piece that I was thinking of using for one of the stories. I have to come up with something interesting.

In your walk your head held high, you're acting like you've got something to prove. Too bad for you I already know that you've been skipping out on me. I already know that there is someone else in your life beside me.

Did you honestly think that you could keep this a secret? Did you honestly believe that I wouldn't see the signs in front of me? I'm not blind, I see the way you creep around as you keep me in the dark.

You feed me lies on top of lies and then expect me not to cry. Wish the pain would go away but it's still here, I don't know why. Why do you try to cover up all the filthy things you've done. I guess it's true what everyone said about you.

They said that you were no good that you should leave me feeling dead, and now I'm drained. I don't think you even care what happens next as long you're happy. I could be sad, I could be dead, and you still wouldn't care.

As long as you leave my room fulfilled guess that's all you need me for. I just want you gone so pack bags and walk away. Don't want to hear anymore lies, don't want to hear anymore pleas.

Don't want to deal anymore with your mess, don't want to carry any baggage after you've split. I'll the times when things were good, but I can't recall any at all. Guess, I'll try to leave it behind in the past where it belongs.

Keep on walking, don't look back; don't look back, forget my face, my number, and my email address. Please forget that it's been six months, and let me have my life back. I want to be free to spread my wings.

 

 

L.A. Exploded

It seems like a century since L.A. exploded; race against race and gang against gang. Images of violence and black smoke splashed across the news. Hellish, my word to describe the way L.A. appeared as people went crazy out in the streets. 120 dead, why do we let our hearts get so hard and so fragile. Why do we store our rage under our skin, knowing it might spill out? Chaos spread her menacing wings while Strife unleashed hate and fear upon the citizens of the City of Angels. Buildings burned, kids packed heat, and people prayed for light to shine in the hearts of their members. When the smoke cleared and the violence stopped, did we learn anything? Did we as a nation wake up to the fact that hatred left in our hearts spreads out like a cancer to consume us?

In short, the answer is no. Such a diaster is bound to happen again in our history until we see each person as equal, until we let hate die within us, until we wake up to the fact that we are one race. Until we wake up I fear Chaos, Strife, Fear, and Hate will be well fed. With so many willing to put others to death, we won't be free of the curse. As long as we let demons whisper in our ears then our streets will remain battlegrounds. Our children will continue to be pulled to the anti-families who seem to rule our city streets. Our children are sacrificed to this monster called Gang. They see it as a place where they can find love, but it's little more than an army. They sign up through battle and then pack heat to defend what they think is their home. They're willing to die and willing to lie all in the name of their so called gang. When one little soldier dies another is found to stand in the ranks. It's willing to tell that they belong for life and willing to order his minions to kill.

It gives orders to kill and like sheep they obey. They fail to see any other way to get the acceptance, they need, so they kill. They, the soldiers, listen to whatever lies ring out from the mouths of men who once upon a time where tricked into this family.

This, this menace isn't just from the gang. It springs from our own blindness; our own lack of hearing . If our eyes don't see the problems before us then maybe, they don't exsist. If our ears don't their cries for help then we can sit back and stay in our safety zone. Our fears, our own evils mingle in our hearts and wear us down till nothing else will fit inside of us. Our anger works in that same way. Our anger builds and fills us up like a balloon. If we don't let it out, if we don't vent them then it builds until it can't take in any more ire. At some point, we'll get full of anger and then we'll burst. When we explode, it may be at someone innocent of any crimes against us.

Now imagine; a city, a nation, filled with ire. What happens when we cannot move anger away, it builds, it fills, and then it explodes. Explosions that rock us whose shockwaves spread out touching all in the path. It moves us, it rocks us, until we too are filled by emotions, that will send us to our doom. We get caught up in the web weaved by the emotions and whispers that surround us.

 

Blood Test Results

Okay, everything was fine expect for my thyroid. My doctor has me on a med for it. Just thought, I would give you a quick update.

20 Years Almost

In 2010, it will be twenty years since I've graduated high school. It also marks 15 years since I graduated from college. It's been almost 10 years since I first came out to anyone besides myself. When I think back over the years since I've been out of high school, I realize just how much has changed in my life . At the same time, I realize just how much is left to do.

 

I have to admit that my life has been pretty dam amazing since leaving high school for the most part. I've been able to defy my high school guidance counselor and went on to attend college. In 1995, I graduated from college. A few months later I got my first job which lead me to my current job. In 1999, I was engaged and on the verge of being a married gay man. In 2000, I came out for the first time to my brother, sister in law, a co-worker, and my three best friends from college. Since then, I've been an uncle to nephews, nieces, and great nephews. I have also accomplished much.

 

I think in some ways, the biggest achievements are really dwarfed when compared to the smaller achievements that I've made. College saw my love of writing take off. I faced obstacles in my education and made a win over my learning disability which for a long time was troubling for me. My goal to help people understand the world around them has come somewhat been achieved. My job isn't glamorous and the pay sort of sucks but I'm working. I also get to help make a difference in the lives of the students in my life. While I do not own a zoo, I do maintain a fairly nice collection of invertebrates. Guys, I am going to close this up. Thanks for being there and helping me along my journey.