Shadow Void

Cry

Written By C.B. © December 20009

I can hear you even if you think that I can't. You've cried yourself to sleep many nights in a row. Every time, I've heard your tears, it makes me want to die. You tell me lies saying that you're okay and yet everyone can see the pain that you try to hide.

What's so bad that you can't share your cars with me. Sometimes, these walls are paper thin like the mask that you try to wear, so you can hide from the world. All your costumes might as well be invisible because they don't hide your emotions. Your front isn't working so drop your little act.

You want to keep it bottled up, while everyone else wants you to release. Keeping quiet isn't you, so why have you kept this under wraps. Your writings might hold a clue to this pain that has you trapped. I just can't get myself to pry the pain from out of your pages and into my head.

I will only go so long without you voicing this trouble that's keeping you awake at night. Wish that you would tell me, just come out and say it. I think, I might just take a peek and see what your pen has to say about your nightly tears.

** This is a piece that might make it into one of my stories. I just don't like all that much so I doubt it will.

You'll Never Know

We can try to understand the pains that others have felt. We can say that we're sorry for the loss of someone's loved one. We can try to walk along the path that others have walked, but you'll never know the steps they've made while walking off the trail.

We can read about the past and the trouble that are strewn across our combined time line. Our eyes can take in images drawn and painted by an artist hand, and still I don't believe, you'll know the true sorrows felt by those who have passed through the fire of trials.

You can read or see the news and still never truly know the story behind the story. We can see a family grieving from the loss of loved ones and still we'll never know the trials that they are facing as they head into the uncertainty of where, their grief may lead.

You can see us standing tall and attempting to be strong even amongst the flames of trials that seem to burn around us. Your eyes and mind cannot see the pain that sometimes burns my heart, but you'll never really know the hurt that lingers here.

No Good-Byes

It's hard enough to send them off knowing, that they may not return at all. I imagine their parents on bended knee praying for their child's safety. Each bit of news that comes across the screen has to bring a bit of fear. I don't know how you get through the day with your child off to war.

There have been too many flag covered boxes come back from overseas. I think that war will always mean death. Why must it come with such a price? Why must our mothers and fathers bury their sons and daughters? Why must we lose our brothers and sisters?

They don't get to say goodbye before their child joins the legions in heaven. Their blood consecrates the spot where they fell in battle. The Earth remembers them. It holds their blood for until Judgment comes to Earth.

You cry when you hear that your child is no more. A mother's tears are powerful and sacred. Mothers, you are not alone. Your nation cries with you. Someday, I know you'll be united and your beloved soldier will be made whole.

Not Blind

Dear Sir,

Tell me you can see the problems here at home amongst all the world's problems. People here are suffering and I wonder if you're aware of it. Criminals are preying on the elderly. While you're in Asia a child and her mother are hiding in a shelter because of the man who use to be dad and husband. In your talks with Iran, don't forget the kids that are left behind because no one wants to claim them. As you're flying overhead, remember those sick at home at home who don't have insurance or a job. As you feast on a White House Thanksgiving, think of those who won't be eating. As you watch your children at play, think of the couple who want to adopt but can't because there are laws that bind their hands. While you watch out your office window, remember the fathers and the mothers who are out of work and need a job. When your daughters are opening their presents please remember the kids who won't be seeing the presents that Santa Claus had for them. As you're safe at home with your family over the holidays, think of the families that this war has broken up. Remember the kids whose parents are serving overseas. When you cherish the marriage that you have, think of those who want to marry but can't. When you lay to bed at night, I hope you remember all of us.

Sincerely,

Me

What Do You See?

When you look at me, what do you see? Do you see my struggles; the moments that I slide backwards? Do you see my tears; my pains? Can you see into my past and see each time that my heart was cracked in two by someone's cold hands? Can you feel my every emotion; all the sadness, all the grief, and every ounce of happiness? Can you feel every hit and kick that my body has taken? Can you see my everyday and know the good and the bad that was dealt to me each day?

 

I don't know what you see when you glance at me. You don't know my struggles enough to care. My tears are shed where mortals eyes cannot see. The past is gone, locked away within the pages of my memory, so you can't steal any views of my life unless I choose to set those memories free for you. My feelings are my own so you don't know anything about my bodily pains. You are not with me every second of every day so you can't see everything that happens in my life.

 

BOTTOM LINE; DON'T JUDGE ME

A Piece That Isn't Named

This is another piece that I was thinking of using for one of the stories. I have to come up with something interesting.

In your walk your head held high, you're acting like you've got something to prove. Too bad for you I already know that you've been skipping out on me. I already know that there is someone else in your life beside me.

Did you honestly think that you could keep this a secret? Did you honestly believe that I wouldn't see the signs in front of me? I'm not blind, I see the way you creep around as you keep me in the dark.

You feed me lies on top of lies and then expect me not to cry. Wish the pain would go away but it's still here, I don't know why. Why do you try to cover up all the filthy things you've done. I guess it's true what everyone said about you.

They said that you were no good that you should leave me feeling dead, and now I'm drained. I don't think you even care what happens next as long you're happy. I could be sad, I could be dead, and you still wouldn't care.

As long as you leave my room fulfilled guess that's all you need me for. I just want you gone so pack bags and walk away. Don't want to hear anymore lies, don't want to hear anymore pleas.

Don't want to deal anymore with your mess, don't want to carry any baggage after you've split. I'll the times when things were good, but I can't recall any at all. Guess, I'll try to leave it behind in the past where it belongs.

Keep on walking, don't look back; don't look back, forget my face, my number, and my email address. Please forget that it's been six months, and let me have my life back. I want to be free to spread my wings.

 

 

L.A. Exploded

It seems like a century since L.A. exploded; race against race and gang against gang. Images of violence and black smoke splashed across the news. Hellish, my word to describe the way L.A. appeared as people went crazy out in the streets. 120 dead, why do we let our hearts get so hard and so fragile. Why do we store our rage under our skin, knowing it might spill out? Chaos spread her menacing wings while Strife unleashed hate and fear upon the citizens of the City of Angels. Buildings burned, kids packed heat, and people prayed for light to shine in the hearts of their members. When the smoke cleared and the violence stopped, did we learn anything? Did we as a nation wake up to the fact that hatred left in our hearts spreads out like a cancer to consume us?

In short, the answer is no. Such a diaster is bound to happen again in our history until we see each person as equal, until we let hate die within us, until we wake up to the fact that we are one race. Until we wake up I fear Chaos, Strife, Fear, and Hate will be well fed. With so many willing to put others to death, we won't be free of the curse. As long as we let demons whisper in our ears then our streets will remain battlegrounds. Our children will continue to be pulled to the anti-families who seem to rule our city streets. Our children are sacrificed to this monster called Gang. They see it as a place where they can find love, but it's little more than an army. They sign up through battle and then pack heat to defend what they think is their home. They're willing to die and willing to lie all in the name of their so called gang. When one little soldier dies another is found to stand in the ranks. It's willing to tell that they belong for life and willing to order his minions to kill.

It gives orders to kill and like sheep they obey. They fail to see any other way to get the acceptance, they need, so they kill. They, the soldiers, listen to whatever lies ring out from the mouths of men who once upon a time where tricked into this family.

This, this menace isn't just from the gang. It springs from our own blindness; our own lack of hearing . If our eyes don't see the problems before us then maybe, they don't exsist. If our ears don't their cries for help then we can sit back and stay in our safety zone. Our fears, our own evils mingle in our hearts and wear us down till nothing else will fit inside of us. Our anger works in that same way. Our anger builds and fills us up like a balloon. If we don't let it out, if we don't vent them then it builds until it can't take in any more ire. At some point, we'll get full of anger and then we'll burst. When we explode, it may be at someone innocent of any crimes against us.

Now imagine; a city, a nation, filled with ire. What happens when we cannot move anger away, it builds, it fills, and then it explodes. Explosions that rock us whose shockwaves spread out touching all in the path. It moves us, it rocks us, until we too are filled by emotions, that will send us to our doom. We get caught up in the web weaved by the emotions and whispers that surround us.

 

Unnamed Poem

I wonder when you sit and stare what thoughts are passing through your mind? You seem to be in some other place at times and I wonder where that might be? Is it a place that I can visit or see? Are your thoughts confused or filled with fear? Sometimes through your eyes, I try to envision just what is locked behind your eyes. I try to envision just what is locked behind your soul's door. You speak but I don't always comprehend the words that come forth. When I hear with my ears those words that you spoke, I try to take each one into my heart. I want to know each sound, each word that passes from your lips. What grand intelligence exists within you? Your veil keeps you locked away from the world. It's hard sometimes to get a feel for what lays on the surface. Your voice is masked behind your veil. It's hard sometimes for you to get your words out, does that ever cause you anguish? I wonder if it makes you angry when others don't hear the words that you're speaking. I wonder.

Lost Along The Way

Before I start this piece, I want to preface it by saying that this material was and is written purely by fiction. OH...before I forget, there is going to be another edition of the piece called " Kicked To The Curb ". Now back to the original posting for tonight.

 

Lost Along The Way

 

Somewhere, somehow, I got off the track on my way through life. It wasn't planned, my little detour, and yet here I am. I could be anyone whose stepped off the trail thinking I'll get back on when the moments right. One moment leads to another moment and before I knew it too many had passed before me. Didn't think that it would hurt to have a little fun. I've burned to many bridges. My way back is now a longer, steeper, and more perilous route. Is it worth it? Don't know and I'm afraid to find out. I could stumble and fall. Without my strength, I couldn't climb out.

Too much time has gone by with me in this hole. Spent too much time looking down and not enough looking up. I've pushed away my friends and family. All I have now are users and abusers. I've given up on having hope, that I'll escape this nightmare that I created. You came along and let in some light so maybe there is some hope amongst all the darkness. Still, I'm not strong enough to walk the path back. I need you by my side to hold me up. Somehow, someway I've got to find my way back.

Supposed To Be

You live your lives by an unwritten code and expect everyone to fit the mold. You set the heights for others to teach and then you forget that we're all not 6'6". I'm supposed to be married and doing my part to expand the human population. Pardon the mess, but I may just get sick. Being in bed with a woman will not happen not now, not ever. One simple kiss between two guys and it's like the world is about to crumble away. I see your disgust and all I can say is "Now you know how I feel." Society and church tell me to be this and tell me to be that but they can't see the blues that fill my soul.

We throw messages out there that being gay are wrong, that you'll burn because of who you are, and what do we expect our kids to do when faced with an eternity in bonds. Even you can't be that cold to let the future sink into the blues or worse. Our youth are a sacred trust but we pile on the pressure without a lifeline and then when it gets too much and their hearts give out, we stand ready to fight against the ignorant foe.

I'm supposed to blend in with the crowd and it's been working but people still know, their eyes still see that I'm me. Oh how they look at me when they think I can't see. Do you think I can't feel their judgments falling down on me? When faced with that threat we can dry up and die or we can stand with the knowledge that being gay is good not bad.

This land is supposed to be free and equal for all so why can't I have the same rights as my parents? My money is all good it's donation to our running of our country. Forget that I work to improve the lives of your children, forget that I voted so you could be in office, and forget that I was born into this country.

I'm supposed to be free to live out my life with happiness by my side and yet, I can feel my happiness being toyed with by leaders and voters, who think they have some stake in my life. You sit high and mighty on your porcelain thrones as my rights get flushed down into the sewer.

Thank goodness for those who see the truth and know that I'm not any different than them. They can see us and our river of struggles trying to go upriver amongst all the chaos, so they can join with us as brothers and sisters fighting with us that our voices might rise up to the Mount. Shouldn't we stick up for each other in this life?

We shouldn't be trying to be this "Supposed person", we should be just ourselves and the world should be happy with that.