Shadow Void

RRQ; 6 years

Where do you want to be in 6 years?

In six years, I want to have a book that is actually in print out in the bookstores or a GOOD book for sale on Kindle or something like that. More importantly, I want to be happy. I would love to be rich, may not happen but I would love it. Love to be six years younger! LOL I want to be out to be away from here. I want to make the world mine. If nothing else, I am going to grow and let my sun be seen.

To The Parents Of That Kid

Hi,

You don't know me and I don't know you, but I have to say is still important and you need to listen. You may or may not have a closeted son or daughter in your home. First off, don't panic! I promise you it's not the end of the world. It's going to be a shock at first and I understand that, but don't push them away, give them awkward silence, or try to change them. You didn't do anything to cause it. It's a mental illness or a disease. Yes, there will be challenges in their life. Yes, your child may face bullying. Remember using anti-gay speech around your son or daughter can send the message that you won't love them when you find out or that you don't love them period. Don't be one of those parents who toss away the relationship you have with your child just because they come out to you. Educate yourself and your family, because then you'll be empowered. Be ready to fight for your child, be ready to stand by your child, they may need you. Do be involved in their lives. There will be people who will walk away from your teen because they refuse to stand by them. I encourage you to learn the signs of depression and suicide. Be diligent! Do seek out professional help if your child needs it. Keep an open mind when your child comes to you. There are groups ready to take your hand. PFLAG is one of those groups. Something you may not realize is that GLBT youth often feel alone and isolated amongst their peers, their family, church, and community. You have the power to stand by them, to love them or the power to add to the voices that are hammering them. Coming out to you will be one of the scariest moments in their lives. It is something that they will always remember.

Sincerely,

Chuck

Help For Our Gay Youth

Many gay youth out there right now are struggling. There facing problems that as adults we have faced or that we are facing. Depending on the society in which they live can dictate the issues that they will face in life. Religion places unfair doubts and can cause unneeded damage. There are bullies. These issues are just the tip of the iceberg, but the question remains how can we make it easier for them to be young and gay.

Let's first address schools, all kids deserve to be safe at school. Our kids should know that when they bring a bullying situation to their principals, guidance counselors, or teachers that the issue will be dealt with and not just ignored. Teachers in public school need to be mindful of their students and not make comments that could harm kids. Counselors also need to be sensitive to the LGBT students in their schools. Larger schools may even have a GSA club which allows students to gather in a safe place. I believe that for our kids to be safe at school everyone at the school needs to be onboard. Counselors and perhaps even school nurses should be aware of community resources that help our youth. Overall, we need to be aware of our student's needs.

This next subject is perhaps the trickiest to pin down but I think it's fair to say that it puts a lot of burden on our kids and yes, even on adults. Pastors, priests, ministers, and bishops and all other clergy need to wake up. I do not believe that they know the power that they wield. When someone comes out to them, there is no reason for the person to be the subject of gossip, ridicule, or in any way made to feel inadequate. There is room for the GLBT community in our places of worship. Instead, religion seems to be weapon, which can be turned against our community. We need to do better and in some places we are doing better. I don't expect any religion or church to change their doctrine. Instead, I ask you not to preach hate. You can teach your doctrine without throwing people into the lake of fire. Not all of us need religion but some of us do need religion.

Communities, another hotspot where a hand can be reached out to our youth. Elected officials need to realize that when they use slurs or take an anti-gay stance that they're showing our youth that their leaders hate them or don't care about them. Maybe it isn't as big as an issue as the last two but it is still a major issue. Our leaders are the one's who make laws and then enforce them. I'm all for gay marriage but I also see where civil unions are important also. I will fight for everyone in my community. We need resources that are visible to our youth. Money needs to be put where it can do our youth the most good. Bottom line here, we should be equal and we're not.

Our kids need not feel alone and isolated amongst a sea of people. We need safe places both in the real world and online, where our youth won't feel alone and isolated. We have the power to create a less lonely world for our world. It may not be possible to fix every problem in youths lives, but we can work towards brighter future. We have awesome organizations who are giving back to our community in ways that cannot be counted. Though things can look bright and promising, remember life doesn't always serve up roses.

For the first time

I just watched Tears For Bobby and I can so relate to how Bobby was feeling. The feelings of loneliness, and the way the Mary acted at first is pretty much my life. I should not let things get to me, and I want so badly to just speak out and say that I am gay. My parents and my family just would not understand. You can say that they will understand that they will come to terms with who I am. I am here to tell you, that they will not. Hell, they cannot even see me for who I am. I am not sure that I want them to see me. Wish they would open their minds and just see me. Not a fiber of my body believes that, they will ever be able to look at me and see that I am not like the rest of my family. I feel a little lost to be frank. I have get some work done with the animals so I'm going to go.

After my last post…

So after my last post, I decided to let people know for those who might be new to my blog, a little bit about me and where I've been as a man in this life. Well, it's no secret that I am LDS ( Mormon ). Basically, I never served one of those two year missions, because in some ways I thought it would not be good place for a gay guy like me to be. I have no regrets about not going. Sure, there might be people who might have joined the church through me. I needed to be in school right after high school. With my disability in math, I needed my skills whatever they might have been at the time to be fresh in my mind. I needed to be in study mode so that I would still remember how to make good use of my time. I tried to be a good man and look for the "right" woman when deep inside what I wanted was a "right" man. I never found the right woman, they always ended the relationship with the usual "You're too much like my brother." or "You're a too good of a friend.". I still speak with one of the ladies till this very day. I have awesome female friends and I couldn't imagine my world without them. I owe much to them. I was even engaged for a short time. I hold nothing against the opposite sex. The whole engagement thing is not a path that I want to go down again unless it is with the man of my dreams. I have been in and out of activity in my church mostly on the side of activity. I'm finding it harder and harder to stay active too. Some of it maybe because my testimony has faded, in other words my beliefs have faded a little bit. This fading of my beliefs doesn't mean that I'm anti-church it just means that for a while I was stalled without much growth. Any way, not sure why I felt the need to put this out there, but I did and so here it is.

Just a test

Having some issues with my mircosoft blog post template program. Please just bare with it for a second.

The Lie and The Truths

1.I've been bit by a giant millipede at least 6 times in my life.

Let me describe the bite to you. Millipedes are by herbivores. The millipedes have a tendency to bite to grab salt or other minerals. I had a large female a few years ago, that would bite quite a bit.

2.My favorite horror movie actor is Bela Lugosia.

I use to hate horror movies even the old 1930's movies. Now I embrace them. I love Bela Lugosia. He is THE Count Dracula in my book.

3.I have a friend who keeps 2 king cobras.

Luckily, I don't have a friend who has king cobras.

Tax Man

So…I went in to get my taxes done today. I'm not going to say where, but I asked about the book. I wanted to know how I would work that into my taxes for next year. The guy asked me what the book was about and at first once I again, I sort of stumbled but then I went right into it. He asked me the book was autobiographical. I told him no. Sort of the bottom line is that I did not struggle this time to explain the book, the fact that the book was gay themed. An exact opposite of the last time that the book was discussed. I felt pretty good about it.

RRQ:

If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?

I'm not sure why I picked this question. If I had a friend who talked to me the way, that I talked to myself, I might drop them after awhile. I do have a tendency though to keep friends around because I don't want to lose them. I hold friend's dear to my heart.

Someone Asked…

A discussion at work brought up my book "Blake's Saga". Of course, the conversation was with a teacher. She asked me what the book was about and I sat there stumbling over my words. Why couldn't I get the words "gay" out of my mouth? I told her that the book was about a kid who got kicked of his home and ends up in another state, where he ends up living on the streets, and a cop and his partner ended up adopting him. She was sort of quiet. She asked me under what name the book was written, where it can be bought, and what format. What bothers me is that I was nervous to talk about the child of my creativity. I think because in having that conversation, I also had to potentially out myself at work. Not sure it's a good idea to be even slightly out at work. A part of me is afraid of being a "Blake" myself. I'm not sure it would bother me to be talked about because I'm pretty sure that I'm already talked about. What concerns me, and I've already talked about this in an earlier blog post, is the ramifications that this conversation might have on me or my job.