Shadow Void

Over Heard; At Work

In my line of work, I hear a lot of stuff and usually I block it all out but every once in awhile, something gets stuck in my brain and it has to come out. On Tuesday, I am sitting next to a couple of my kids in current events. We start watching Channel one, television station espeically for middle schools, junior high, or high schools. It features the news and puts a teen spin on it. On Tuesday they featured a teen who is trying to break into the music scene in Nashville. He had a hairstyle that caused a few of the kids to make comments that his hairstyle made him look like a girl. One girl took it a step further and said that he looked like a fag.

 

Sometimes people don't realize how making comments or judgements can make them look foolish. It can also limit their circle of friends. Using words like "faggot" in my mind makes people look ignorant. When people use words like queer, fag, or any racial slur, they are only lowering themselves into a sty. I can only assume that this girl would be VERY offended if someone called her or used the "N" word. I say this because I've heard her make comments about how so and so needs to be beat up for using it. In my mind there is no difference saying faggot and nigger. ( I hope that I didn't offend anyone that is not my intentions. )

 

I don't normally use words like that to throw jabs at people. I said earlier that I think it makes one look stupid, well I don't want to make myself appear to be stupid. Does we a people really need to use those words to put someone else down? Should we really be putting people down to begin with? The answer is NO.

 

In closing, I think if you're using these words to assault people that you need to get a clue. Yeah...I said it! I would rather be friends with someone who respected people than to associate without someone who treats people like crap. Well, that is what I had written in my blog notebook. By my sweet readers.

First Day Of Work

My first day of work came with a 6:00 am wake up call. I don't want to hear about the time. I leave my house at 6:35 am and get to school at 6:45. Plenty of time to write up a post or begin writing up a post. Sometimes, I sit there and write poetry or I draw my stupid monsters. There are even times, when I sit there reading whatever book I brought in that day. So the big question is how did today go?

Well, first off there were supposed to be 10 kids but we got word yesterday that there was a move in, so we'll end up with 11 kids. The day started off great with only minor problems. By the afternoon things got a little crazy. It was very rough to say the least. I had been hit and kicked a good number of times. Still, we will get through this. The students will eventually be better for our actions. Problem is the end result isn't easily reached right away. Still, it is something that I am excited about reaching.

Wish me luck that tomorrow will be a fairly easy day as we go forward.

Sims 3

Yeah, I am one of a few people who bought the sims 3 computer game. I actually downloaded it from the EA game site. My first couple is a gay couple. I will more than likely add in a straight couple. It's taken me two days to figure out how to work the camera so I can add things into the house easier. At this point, I don't have any problems to report. I like the whole personality thing. You can actually create a sims personality which is pretty cool. As a sims works out, they actually gain muscle that you can see. It's actually pretty cool. I'm still pretty new to the whole sims 3 game but it seems pretty cool. In other news, I have only 2 1/2 days left of school. So what is left for us to do at school? Not a whole lot to be honest! We have a field day for the kids in our class and then in one of the self contained rooms in the high school tomorrow. It was supposed to be today but the it was cold this morning. It was actually cold enough that our furnace was running this morning. Hopefully, tomorrow is a warmer day and a dry day. On Friday, we have junior high field day in the morning and then movies in the afternoon. Monday is a half day which will primarily consist of getting kids off the bus, breakfast, attendance, and then award's ceremony. Parents have the right to take their kids home right after the program is over. It seems like we are missing something this year but I can't put a finger on it. I am going to be bad and take a little nap. Hopefully, I don't sleep to long.

The End Is Near

The school year is almost over. We have only 6 days to go. It seems a little weird to be honest. Why does it seem weird? It seems strange because I don't feel burned out. Every other year towards the end, I come away feeling really burned out. This year, I don't feel burned out at all.

 

Guess, the real question is why don't I feel burned out. It could be because I feel like there is more support. It could be the kids are not as rough this year. It could be just about anything. Whatever it is I am eternally thankful. I'm thankful for everyone who helped me to fight back against whatever caused my burnout in the past. Kind of makes me wonder what's up?

 

I had a feeling all day Friday that something wasn't quite right. I guess, I must have had an off day. Things have been perfect.

 

What Have I Done Today?

My corner of the world has been bitterly cold over the last two days. Around 3 pm CST, it was exactly 1 degree and that doesn't include wind chill. Needless to say, I didn't take a trip outside today. Today, I worked on getting some cd's made for the computer. I'm going to try and get my material transferred from my old computer over to the new computer. I did some research for a friend who is trying to find a job. Didn't do him any good for me to even get on the computer. Today has been a day for writing. I've managed to get a poem written.

 

I'm troubled over work currently. We have a young man whose not been feeling well. I can't give out any more information than that but I hope that he starts feeling better. Over the past two days, the school system actually cancelled school. Yeah, I get two days off from work but there are couple of downsides. One downside is that our timesheets were due today. I can't exactly fax it if the sheet and the fax machine are at work. It also means that the school year will be two days longer. Honestly, though I don't mind having the days off.

 

It's been a pretty quiet day. My nephews have managed to stay away. Love them dearly, but they can get out of hand from time to time. The phone hasn't rang very much either. In fact there has only been one phone call. One thing, I've noticed today is that I've been bouncing between things a lot today. I've gone from watching television to writing to being online and back to writing. It's pretty much been this way over the last two days. Not to mention, that I've been horny all day even after taking care of the problem. Sorry that might be T.M.I and apologize for that.

 

Hopefully, you are doing good today and staying warm today!

Some Time

Some time has passed since I've given you anything more than a literay post or an animal post. Grandma is now out of the hospital and in a care center. It's basically a nursing home. Mom says she is wanting to go home, so the family is looking into getting her someone to see to her health at home. I've said it once or twice that my Grandma would not do well in a nursing home. She is to stubborn and independent. I am not sure how long she will grace the earth with her wisdom, but I'm hoping she'll make it a little longer. I'm not totally sure what to say. Work is moving at quite the pace. The kids are doing good. I love the kids. Sure, they can be demons when they want too but so can I. It's amazing how at times my co-workers can make the day go by faster or slower. It's amazing how people handle themselves at work. I'm not entirely sure why there has to be contention but at times it is never ending. Why can't we just get along with each other? The secret to work is to do what you told but add your own personal touch to it. Any way, I am going to let you go.

Hiding The Truth

In my daily life I am constantly hiding the truth from people. I'm always keeping it just below the surface. My sexuality is just that my sexuality. No one else has to know. Nobody needs to know who I am unless they need to know. Is it evil of me? Am I treating the gay community wrong? I hide the fact that on occasion I like to look at shirtless hunks and other hunks. Why shouldn't I? There is nothing wrong in getting a glance or two. I know why I hide myself.

I hide myself for myself. It lets me continue the path that I'm currently on right now. It's hiding for a purpose; hiding to stay alive. Hiding does come with some struggles. Still, it would be nice to wake up and be out. It would be nice not to have a family that shunned their gay loved ones but I can't change that so I don't. At work, they don't need to see me. It would only get in the way to be honest. You should see how fast the rumor mill works at work so yeah, I don't need my life used as fodder for gossip. Excuse me for that one!

I can only be blunt about it this, it's my life not yours.

My Life; The Ever Changing Hours and More

It seems like things at work are forever changing. I've had my hours switch back and forth. I started off at 7:45 to 2:45, got switched to 8:00 to 3:00, and now I'm back at 7:45 and 2:45. On top of that my lunch was 11:30 to 12:05, but now it's even different. I guess, there has been a shift in the high school. My teacher is trying to compensate for some changes in the high school. Things are just really crazy. I don't think any of the changes are all that major. For me, it's more important that I have a regular time for everything. Schedules are something that I do much better when on when they are followed and not changed.

In other news, I had a neat little wildlife encounter. My nephew and I were walking home together. Yeah, I ended up walking along the railroad tracks. I know, it's not safe and it's also illegal. Any way getting back to the wildlife encounter, we happened to turn around to see a female deer. When she saw us, she stepped out into the weeds along the tracks. As she moved, she left behind two fawns. They quickly vanished too directly into the weeds. It's is the first time that I've seen white-tailed deer fawns. I have seen moose fawns but this was just as cool. Sadly, I didn't have my camera or my video camera. Any way, I need to get going. Have a great day.

Back To Work

    Tomorrow is my first offical day back. I got paid today for doing 3 1/2 hours of work in the classroom but tomorrow is the first actual full day of work. My bag is already packed. I'll pack my lunch tomorrow morning. Hopefully, it's a pretty easy day. I can only wish right? I'll be working from 7:45 am. to 2:45 pm. a slight shift from yesterday.

    Oh...I am quite pleased with myself! I was able to use the lancelet on myself today. In fact I did it twice! This morning, I my blood sugar was 113 and then two hours later I was also 113. :) I hope that is okay. It could be better I suppose. I would have liked to have seen it a immediately after dinner. No, I'm going to post each day's results. I was just happy over being able to prick myself with the lancelet.

Warnings, Do We Listen?

Where I am from we pay attention to certain warnings that flash across the television screen. The minute a tornado warning comes up; we pack it up and move to the basement. My brother and sister in law use to jump into the car and try to spot one as it barreled across the county. Still, warnings are meant to be listened too. Think back to when you were a kid, how many did you hear your parents say "Don't touch the stove!" or "Don't touch the oven!"? It only took once for us to learn to heed that warning. One first degree burn taught us that the oven/stove is hot to the touch. Still, we received many other warnings growing up and still till to this day, we receive warnings meant to keep us safe.

I think something happens to us as we grow older or maybe it's always with us. We seem to let warnings fall on deaf ears. To a certain extent I think, it has to do with the whole "It can't happen to me" or "That doesn't happen here!" mentality. Several years ago, Salt Lake City had a tornado go through downtown. My grandma was home at the time. She lives about 5 minutes away by car from downtown. She said that the sky grew dark. Before she knew it, the television station that she had been watching went to static. The storm had messed up the station. I don't know how well, Salt Lake City was prepared for such a storm. Just like, I'm not quite sure how well, Chicago is ready for an earthquake to strike. Are we prepared to listen when warnings are given?

I'm not talking about natural disaster warnings. I'm talking about times when we feel that sense of danger. Animals seem to have it. They knew when danger is looming. Sometimes, humans seem to have it, but I think for the most part, we've lost touch with that part of us. I know from experience that listening when you feel that ping can make all the difference. I was a teen hanging out with two other friends. We had planned to go down to the lake in our neighborhood. On the way down, I felt a very real feeling like we should turn around. Did I listen? No, I didn't and the message repeated itself, not once but three times. Still, I ignored it. We got to the lake, and not to long after that two boys came down by us. They were looking for any reason to fight us. One of them claimed that we threatened their buddy with a knife. Of course, we didn't have knives. I'm sure we might have been able to fight them. In fact, my friends wanted too. I however felt that we shouldn't. If however they did start something, I might have been tempted to fight the way, I fought with my older brother. In other words, anything is fair game. I knew in my heart, that this time a fight would only lead to bigger problems. I trusted in my prayers and in the feeling that I had. I kept telling them that I didn't know them and that we didn't have a knife. After a rather tense standoff, they turned and left. It was then that we decided to head back. If we would have stayed away, that confrontation never would have happened. I'd like to bet that I'm not alone in experiences like that.

It's not uncommon for people to be told not engage in certain behaviors because of the danger. Knowing all too well the risk, people seem determined to risk it. Sex is a good example. We know that not using a condom can lead to big problems. I'm not just talking about pregnancy. Unprotected sex can spread disease like wildfire. Sadly, we've seen the end result. What amazes me is how, when we know the danger, we hear the warnings, but we still insist upon engaging in risky behaviors. Maybe, these people don't care or they think "It can't happen to me!", whatever the thought process, it can be deadly. It can also be embarrassing. Not heeding warnings, often leads to bigger problems.

I know of a friend who felt that she shouldn't take a certain route to work. She heeded that warning. Want to know what happened? A car screamed through a red light and smashed into another vehicle. It could have been her, but it wasn't. She might have been late for work, but she wasn't. Not every warning is life threatening, but we need to listen. It's not always going to be the interruption on the television screen or the blaring noise of a tornado siren. Sometimes, the warning comes in the form a doctor, a public speaker, or from deep within us. It comes from God. You may or may not believe that but it's true. We need to heed warnings. I need to heed warnings.