Shadow Void

Mysterious ways

You ever have something happen that didn't seem a big deal and then later, you realize that that event has somehow managed to make your day better. That was my day today…something happened yesterday at work, that directly impacted my day at work today. Just one kid being absent today made the day so much better. I hate to see a kid being absent from school, but I have to admit that it made the day a little bit better. It's especially true considering how high strung I am when the teacher is gone and then to add to it, the other aide was gone too. She was out due to her mom having surgery and I hope all is well.

Someone Asked…

A discussion at work brought up my book "Blake's Saga". Of course, the conversation was with a teacher. She asked me what the book was about and I sat there stumbling over my words. Why couldn't I get the words "gay" out of my mouth? I told her that the book was about a kid who got kicked of his home and ends up in another state, where he ends up living on the streets, and a cop and his partner ended up adopting him. She was sort of quiet. She asked me under what name the book was written, where it can be bought, and what format. What bothers me is that I was nervous to talk about the child of my creativity. I think because in having that conversation, I also had to potentially out myself at work. Not sure it's a good idea to be even slightly out at work. A part of me is afraid of being a "Blake" myself. I'm not sure it would bother me to be talked about because I'm pretty sure that I'm already talked about. What concerns me, and I've already talked about this in an earlier blog post, is the ramifications that this conversation might have on me or my job.

Bad day

I can't get into what happened but today was a rough day. This is one of those days where I could really use someone to talk too. For as bad as it was for me, it was even worse for my teacher. I love my job but this year is testing that love. There is no doubt that I need a vacation or something that helps to quench the flames of stress.

Full Moon? Nope

Today was one of the days. By the afternoon, all the adults in the classroom were ready to call it day by 11:30. Things were kind of crazy and I won't deny it, but I've seen the classroom in worse shape. It's always bad when you have two kids out of line. It's sort of a rock slide effect. One kid acts up and his behavior sets off someone else's behavior. It's like kicking a large rock off a mountain, that large rock hits another rock and then another until all craziness breaks lose. Luckily, the behaviors were contained to just two kids. The day went by without any more bad behaviors, which believe me was a good thing. By the end of the day, we were all feeling a little short of patience. Just thought I would share.

My Nephews’ Friends

Before I begin this actually get to the topic of this post, I want to first let everyone know that I love my readers especially Rick, Steve, and Ste and of course all the my regulars readers from Lifeout. Guys, I hope you all know that I care about you. Hope all is going well in your lives. I also want to say that the nephew's mentioned in this post are the children of my older brother. So here goes the actual post!

 

I have to say that I really do love my nephews despite all the headaches that I've got from them. One thing that I am not crazy about is that they can have big mouths. They have told friends of theirs that I am gay. Now once they put it out there who am I to deny it? Generally, they ask "Are you?" and I say "Yeah!". Most of their friends have been good about it. They know I am not going to hit on them and I try to make sure that they are at ease around me. I wonder at times how tight their lips are in relation to it. I am not losing any sleep over it but it does worry me a little bit each time that one of their friend's finds out. Only because I don't' want my sexuality to turning into a huge pile of crap. I just do not need the entire school knowing that I am gay. On the grand scheme of things, it really does not matter. In a perfect world, it would not matter at all, but since I work in a school, I try to keep things quiet. I just do not need someone finding out and making some huge stink over it. I have enough on my plate without adding that to it. There are people who would make a stink about it if things got out that I was gay. Any ways I really need to get on topic don't I? Two of their friends know that I am gay and they even know about the stash. No I don't have drugs. I have a few videos that I keep under lock and key. They are also fully aware that I would forever dislike them should they get into hiding place. I also don't' allow them in my room unless I am in here although that is more for my safety than their safety. I do not need someone getting into a tank and getting hurt or stealing something. Having their friends know that I am gay is a good thing. It lets them know that gay guys aren't after kids / teens. When they do bring it up in jest, I usually will make a comment like "Why would I want you when I can someone my own age?". One thing they also know is that I do not allow the use of gay slurs in my room. When I do hear it, I am quick to correct them not physically but verbally. I am really trying to get back to my roots as far as the blog goes and trying to come up material that actually gets me back to my roots. Well, I am out.

Out of the mouth

This gem of question came from one of the kids in my class:

"Mr Shyguy, where is your girlfriend?"

I can't exactly tell him that I'm gay. I don't think it's right to put my sexuality on display at work, especially when it comes to my kids. I don't discuss whether or not I have a girlfriend and I don't discuss having a boyfriend with them either. I'm there to do a job and to help the students in the classroom become the best possible people they can become. That's going to happen no matter my sexuality because I am who I am.

Personal Life At Work

Work is an interesting place, because of the people that I'm surrounded by during the day. I work with adults but largely, my day is spent with kids. The kids, I work with the most are of course the kids in my class. The kids outside my classroom see me in the hallways, at their lunch, or in gym class. My sexuality is simply not discussed other than with the teacher who I work with. To my knowledge only one other person at work knows about my orientation. I don't discuss it with any students. Still, I keep my ears open for anyone who might need that listening ear. Just because I don't discuss my orientation with students outside of my room doesn't mean that none of them know. Some of my nephew's, my older brother's boys, friends know that I'm gay. Officially, I don't believe that I can talk about sexuality with any student. Still, I can keep my eyes out for people.

First Day Back

My first day for the new school year was today. It went pretty good. There were of course a few glitches along the way, but overall things went amazingly well. We have 10 students and 3 adults in the classroom including me. My hours were supposed to be 8:00 am to 3:00 pm but that didn't happen at least not today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I was impressed with how good the day went. Anyway, enough of that for right now.

Spiders In

Today, I took most of my tarantulas to work so the kids could see them. The year is winding down and my ideas and the teacher's ideas for science have ran out. We've been hearing from the kids about bringing the spiders in for sometime, and we finally gave into their requests. You know what though, it always seems to take longer to get them ready to be seen than it does to actually take everything down. Overall, things went really well. The kids and a few of the adults asked some really good questions. Let's face it, education is what it's all about right?

Field Trip

Have you ever had an event or a tourist place in your area, that you didn't go to until you were an adult? That was actually my experience today, we went to one of our county parks to be taken through the process of maple syrup making. Now, I've been to this county park plenty of times. I'm not even sure how many times, I've been there, but I've never been there at this time of the year. We got to see the buckets hanging from the maple trees, the sap being cooked down to the syrup stage, and even got to see how the Native Americans made maple sugar. Very cool, it 57 degrees outside today and there were very few clouds out, so it was a great day to be outside. I think the kids had a blast on the trip. Great experience!