Shadow Void

Deeply Saddened

There are a number of things that upset me, when I see them in the news, but the one that hits me the hardest is when a child is abused or killed.  It is even worse when I hear about a parent(s) killing their kid(s).  It upsets me because, I know that I may never be able to have a kid in my life.  The only way it's going to happen is if I adopt.  This post is about a guy in Great Britian who along with his partner adopted the little girl ( 18 months of age ) and her sibling.  We have had to fight for the right to adopt and it hurts to see someone who had a child in their lives and take a life.  I understand being at wits end and feeling I could explode, but you just can't do that.  You have to pull yourself back and realize that a little kid her age or younger, tend to fuss when something is wrong or their hungry.   You don't take your bad day out on your kids.  I just want to hug this guys' partner and the surviving sibling as well.  I am doing to end this here and take care of the laundry that is waiting on me.

#OrlandoBrave Writing #1

Fallen Lights

Night of joy turned to tears and fears as each bullet

flew into the air turning light into darkness. Lights

were quieted amongst the horror. A monster putting

fear in the hearts of those in the club. The lights

maybe quieted but love and courage still found a

way to shine. In actions taken, in valor, and in love

expressed by words and prayers, the light spread out

from the heart of chaos. Each fallen light, a

life that won't walk away from this place. Hopes

and dreams draw to a close. It isn't fair

that love died side by side. Children not allowed

to say goodbye, parents wait to hear the fate of

their light. Now as a nation, we stand behind

them. We cover them in light that springs from

our heart as we stand with them. A community

rises to let hate see that we will stand

against darkness. Our voices, our prayers united

in one purpose, not to bring back the fallen but to

bring back the light to human hearts. Hate can't win

when united we stand, even when we're down for

a second. We remember each story, each light

because it matters to each of us. It matters

cause their pain, their tears, they belong to us.

We are human, born in heaven as brothers and sisters.

Terror didn't win in Orlando, we won despite despite the

lose of light.

Orlando; My thoughts

I was on my way home after visiting a family friend. Sunday, I was on the smart phone and got onto Facebook. Everyone seemed to be talking about Orlando and it seemed bad. It wasn't until I got home and got online that I read what had happened. At first there was horror. I was scared for a second and then when watched 2Beeps videos on youtube. I'll put links to their videos at the end of this post. Their videos made me realize that I can't be afraid. We can't be afraid. There are people out there who hate us; people who want us dead just because of our sexual orientation. We survived Stonewall, we went through some truly dark days, and I know we will come away from this attack stronger. What I have seen in the wake of the shooting? I've seen people as far away as California in tears over what happened in Florida. I've heard more talk of gun control. It sickens me to think that this guy was able to get his hands on his weapons. He never should have been able to get the weapons. We need to enforce the laws that we have now. I understand that we are now getting the names of some of the victims along with the names we are getting their stories. Stories like one of a boyfriend who was shot in the back while trying to save his boyfriend. I heard about a guy who was hiding in the bathroom texting his mom. One of the final texts that he sent was to tell his mom that the shooter was in the bathroom. In the end, the shooter would claim 50 lives and injuried 53. While this attack was horrible and sad, we cannot allow this video to make us fearful. We need to hold be proud of who we are and we need to stand together. If you can do something to help then do it. If you can't and you believe in prayer, pray for the families and the victims. Stay strong, Stay true to who you, and don't allow fear to creep into your soul.

Merry Christmas!

I just want to wish all my readers a merry Christmas and a safe, happy, and wonderful New Year.

When An Officer Dies

On Sunday the 6^th of July, a police officer from Gary, Indiana was shot while on duty. As of the 13^th, it was unclear exactly what took place, but what we do know is that earlier in the day he responded to a domestic disturbance. To make a long story short, he was found in his squad car dead by a concerned citizen who called 911. It was sad enough to hear that an officer had been shot and killed but he was one of three police officers to die to while on duty in 8 days in my home state. Flash to the 13^th of July, my parents and I were on our way to work, when we saw the lights of at least 10 or more police cars, several officers on motorcycles, all surrounding the hearse that was carrying this officer on his way to where the viewing would take place. It left thinking a lot about the job and dangers that they face. I am little speechless. Someone said that he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I say bull#$#% to that, there is no such thing as the wrong time and wrong place. Now to make this go full circle, we pick up a lady for church every Sunday. Guess whose house, we pass by every Sunday? Yes that is right, this officer's house, and it will be very strange not to see his squad car parked in the driveway. My heart goes to his wife and to his kids. May Heaven bless them!

Thanks Pete

I was on youtube watching and listening to one of my favorite youtubes talk about their suicide attempt, and it got it reminded me of something. I have shared this once or twice before in my blog, but I thought I would share it again. If you have been reading my blog for any extended period of time, then you know that I love nature. It was either June or July and the sky was bright blue, birds were singing, and the wild blue flag iris was in bloom. I was sitting on our front porch feeling a little down and attempting to remedy that gloom with some sunshine. Out of nowhere, I remember looking down at those pretty blue flowers and thinking that could kill me. I was in my twenties and not really liking the future that I saw in front of me. I was not out to anyone at this point, and the pressure that had been building over the years was getting to me. I guess the bottom line is that I knew I was gay, but I was still fighting it a little bit. Anyway, I knew that if I ate one of those flowers it would kill me. I knew it would attack my liver and that would be that. I didn't know how pain that I would be in or if anyone would miss me. Right about that time something else hit me and hit me hard, I didn't know how much pain I would be and being a bit of a chicken I didn't want to go through that, and then something else happened. I realized that I did have friends who loved me and even if they didn't know or might reject me for being gay, I have a family who loves me. More importantly, I had a future to live for and that pulled me back. Life is still hard, but life has got better. In fact from the moment that I told my first person life became better. I still have days when I'm down and I still cry over things, but overall life is better and it better every day even at my age.

If you need someone to talk too please call the Trevor Project, it's toll free and believe me, the person who talks to you does care:

Trevor Lifeline (866-488-7386) 

You can call day or night 24 / 7. Please if you need to talk to someone call them.

Okay So Don’t Judge

Mr. Fred Phelps is sick and in a care facility. How do I feel about that as a gay man? Well, I have mixed emotions. One part of me says he will die and things will somehow become even, however deep down where it really freaking counts that is not me. I have learned something here and there along the way. What I have learned is that hate in whatever form it assumes is still hate. Do I like what this man has brought into the world through his church? Obviously, I do not like it. In fact, I despise it. One might even say that I hate it. I heard someone say that people need to protest his funeral. As I sit here in front of my computer screen watching Hulu Plus, one thing has dawned on me and I have already mentioned it a little earlier. I cannot stand there lifting the banners of protest against this enemy. I know there are some of my LGBT brothers and sisters who do not believe in the bible, but one thing that I have been taught is to love my enemies. Now, I don't' know if I can honestly say that I love Fred Phelps or not, but one thing that I do know, I am not his judge. It would be just as wrong for me to protest his funeral as it would be for his church to protest mine. I guess, I have said what I needed to say. Thanks for listening.

My Thoughts on 3 things

Okay guys, it's been a long time since I've done an entry but I have a bunch of stuff that I want to hit on today, so I don't waste any more time.

First off, let's talk about Michael Sam. You should know that I had no idea who this guy was until he decided to come out. Okay, so a couple of things that you more than likely know about him now, one that he is gay and two that he plays football. I think he is hopeful nfl draft pick. It seems that a lot of people have their opinions on him and his sexuality. Here is my opinion for what it is worth. It shouldn't matter if this guy is gay or not. What should matter is his football skills? Being that he is up for the NFL means that he must have some skills. People who are hating on him should just back the freak off. I really do not think, he is going to be on the field or in the locker room thinking that he wants to see this guy naked or that guy naked.

Second thing that I want to discuss is the issue going on in Kansas. In Kansas, they are working on a bill that would legalize discrimination against gay couples. Basically, it gives business owners and government employees the right to deny services to same sex couples. You won't be able to sue a business owner under the law. It is really freaking stupid. Everything from Ambulances, park managers, and even public welfare agencies can deny you services. Could this law bring more violence against the LGBT community. This bill passed through the Kansas' house of representatives 72 to 49.

Here is a link to the bill:

http://kslegislature.org/li/b2013_14/measures/documents/hb2453_00_0000.pdf

Meanwhile, here in my home state of Indiana, we are facing a gay marriage ban. When I went back to check the status of the bill, I found that the measure will not be on the ballot in November. Also according this article. The measure passed today defines marriage between a man and woman. Here is a direct quote from the article "but would not additionally prohibit civil unions and other marriage-like arrangements for same-sex couples. With the new language, the earliest Hoosiers could see the constitutional amendment on the ballot would be 2016, according to Senate president pro tem David Long." I don't know how I feel about this. I was hopefull but now I am not sure. I was hoping to vote on the subject but that isn't going to happen now. Here is a link to that article that I quoted in my post:

http://www.advocate.com/politics/marriage-equality/2014/02/13/indiana-marriage-ban-wont-be-2014-ballot

What are your thoughts

Congrats Illinois

I would be rude if I did not say congrats to all my brothers and sisters in Illinois. Congrats on marriage being legal in your state! Wish you all the best!

Teachers and Their Students

As someone in education, I could care crapless about a teacher's life outside of school, however I do care about what you do around kids. Your students don't have to like you. You don't have to be a good teacher, but there is a line that shouldn't be crossed. It's a fine line. Too many teachers have crossed that line, and we shouldn't be crossing it. I agree we are human and we make mistakes. Some mistakes are bigger than others. Giving booze to students, giving drugs to students, and having sex with students, you are giving up on your students. I might be wrong and I might just be looked at as someone who needs to shut their face. Recent new stories coming out of Indiana sicken me. I'm not a saint far from it. BUT I would never cross the line that causes me to have lapse of morals. I am not the greatest example and I've made some mistakes, BUT I have never crossed LINES that break away from my morals. Sure, I've used language at home is different than I use at school. It's true! Teachers who use their position to take advantage of kids are nothing short of criminals.