Shadow Void

Orlando remembrance; Fixed up a bit

Fallen Lights

Night of joy turned to tears and fears as each bullet

flew into the air turning light into darkness. Lights

were quieted amongst the horror. A monster putting

fear in the hearts of those in the club. The lights

may be quieted but love and courage still found a

way to shine. In actions taken, in valor, and in love

expressed by words and prayers, the light spread out

from the heart of chaos. Each fallen light, a

life that won't walk away from this place. Hopes

and dreams draw to a close. It isn't fair

that love died side by side. Children not allowed

to say goodbye, parents waited to hear the fate of

their light. Now as a nation, we stand behind

them. We cover them in light that springs from

our hearts as we stand with them. A community

rises to let hate see that we will stand

against darkness. Our voices, our prayers united

in one purpose, not to bring back the fallen, but to

bring back the light to human hearts. Hate can't win

when united we stand, even when we're down for

a moment. We remember each story, each light

because it matters to each of us. It matters

cause their pain, their tears, they belong to us.

We are human, born in heaven as brothers and sisters.

Terror didn't win in Orlando. We won despite the

loss of light.

#OrlandoBrave Writing #1

Fallen Lights

Night of joy turned to tears and fears as each bullet

flew into the air turning light into darkness. Lights

were quieted amongst the horror. A monster putting

fear in the hearts of those in the club. The lights

maybe quieted but love and courage still found a

way to shine. In actions taken, in valor, and in love

expressed by words and prayers, the light spread out

from the heart of chaos. Each fallen light, a

life that won't walk away from this place. Hopes

and dreams draw to a close. It isn't fair

that love died side by side. Children not allowed

to say goodbye, parents wait to hear the fate of

their light. Now as a nation, we stand behind

them. We cover them in light that springs from

our heart as we stand with them. A community

rises to let hate see that we will stand

against darkness. Our voices, our prayers united

in one purpose, not to bring back the fallen but to

bring back the light to human hearts. Hate can't win

when united we stand, even when we're down for

a second. We remember each story, each light

because it matters to each of us. It matters

cause their pain, their tears, they belong to us.

We are human, born in heaven as brothers and sisters.

Terror didn't win in Orlando, we won despite despite the

lose of light.

Run Away

When I met you, my heart was elated. It was full with whatever that energy is that warms my heart and leaves me wanting more. The first date went without a hitch and I came away feeling incredible. We talked and talked and got to know each other over Chinese. The food good and so was the view. I think once or twice, I saw your eyes sparkle, and that made my heart flutter just a bit. After I got home, my mind began to race with one hundred thousand thoughts as I tore apart each word that left my mouth, and each sentence and glance that you gave me. I had to be sure that I had done my job and that nothing was left to chance. Into the next morning, I still found myself wondering if I had done all I could to show you that I was more than some words on a screen and more than my pictures could contain. Why I do this, I don't really know, but I do and it's crazy, but it's who I am. It's funny as much as I tried to find something, anything that felt wrong or should have raised flag, it couldn't be done. You had me stumped. For once, well maybe twice, it felt right to be meeting someone like yourself. It felt right to hold your hand as we talked and walked along a river and trees. It'll feel right time and time again when we talk and walk, talk and eat, or do whatever it is that we'll do. I think for once, I want to stay instead of finding something to cause you or me to run away. I don't know in that first date, things seem to be happen so much faster than I wanted, but it did and there is no way to undo what happened, but I'm glad that it did. Maybe the next date won't be so awkward and strange with so many thing that might make you walk away. I don't know if you see it, I don't know if felt it, but I was at peace as we talked and sat in the rain at the park. Thanks for not parting the waters on us finding our place. Thanks for not running.

Bruises

You walk into view with one black and swollen eye, tears coming down your face, and your lips are broken and bleeding. I don't need to hear your story because it's written in your bruises. Your face speaks more to me than you will ever know. Something tells me that you wear fear within your heart. In your eyes, I see a soul in need of a smile and a hug. I can see a spark that suggests that your blemishes come from someone you loved expect hate leaves behind bruises. Don't allows yourself to believe that somehow you deserve those hits; love doesn't work that way and it never will. I hope in time you'll see that you're worth it, that you can find someone to love you who won't abuse you. Yeah, you deserve to be showered in kisses. You deserve to be free of the bruises that you adorn your body.

Never See

Standing here in an empty place; looking out into the nothingness, I wonder if there's anything out beyond the edge of the galaxy. Is there anything; something left for me to grab onto and pull myself forward? I want to move forward; to soar, to fly. My goals, my dreams, they mean everything to me. Someday, I'll be beyond simply reaching for the stars, I'll be amongst them, but you'll never see it. Those stars, you'll never see them shine, because they live within my soul, where they give forth light and warmth to my words that you're reading. I want my words, my thoughts to be free, free to create more, but you'll never see them because you don't believe that I can bring beauty and meaning to life. All you see are my weaknesses and my flaws, which keep you from seeing the good things in my life. Sometimes, I think that you don't see me at all and it hurts. I try to hide my feelings and my words from eyes so; you don't cast dirt upon them. Nothing, I do ever seems to please you, so why should I fight it? Why should I raise above your expectations? I do what I do, because you say that I can't. Know that I'm marching forward and looking towards the future with my head held high, and I won't let anything drag me down. I will climb so high that everyone will see me and know that I've made it after all.

Family Time

I see it so plainly in a dream that so real that I can almost touch each person, each thing that my eyes perceive to be real but are not, each person, each place, and each thing are merely copies made up in my mind. Everything here, it feels so real and so right. Standing beside you, arms touching, and fingers embraced as we walk with our children. The park is so fun; the kids have a ball as they run from the swings to their daddies' arms. I can feel the sun move across my skin and the wind even plays with his hair as we talk, as we watch out little ones play, and then the scene changes and we're back at our house that we've shared for five years, and we're reading to ur kids with our funny voices before we put them to bed. As we leave the room, we smile and joke that we survived for another day. Now it is our time, when the kids are asleep and all is quiet in their bedrooms and in the house, we walk to our room. When that door is opens, and we step through that threshold, my dream closes it's door, and I awake in a daze because you and the kids aren't here by my side, so the laughter of our kids won't be heard, and our kisses will be missed, but at least I had one night to be with you and our kids.

Interview with Shaun Allen-Williams

This is something a little different for the fans of Jason and Shaun.

Trish thanks for the questions. I didn't think that Jason and I had become so popular. Wow…I'm honored for being picked to be the first of a few interviews being done. I guess, I should get to your questions.

1: Rooming with Payton, what would you do different if you had the chance to do it over?

I wish that I would have paid more attention to what was going on with Payton. We never really talked about his life back home. The day he came to the apartment to talk things out with me was an eye opener. Yeah, I admit Payton was easy on the eyes. I never should have assumed that Payton was gay. Biggest mistake was telling him that I'm gay. Still, Payton's arrest meant that I needed a new room-mate and that opened the door for Jason to move in with me. I guess, we all know how that turned out right.

2: When meeting Jason for the first time other than thinking how hot he was, what was one of his qualities that you notice?

What quality of his did I notice when I first him, I want to say his smile but that sort of ties in with how hot he is, and that is not what you are asking. I guess his warmth. Jason really cares about people. He has a brightness in his eyes that really shines through too. I think it's connected to his warmth. Jason we had a few rough spots early on and we occasionally have a rough day here and there, but for the most part he loves everyone with a few minor exceptions here and there.

3: This question may be a bit personal; your first time with Jason is there anything that you wish you did different? It seemed it was spur of the moment and this was your first time?

Some guys would say yes, but honestly, it was great. It was pretty spur of the moment, but wouldn't have changed it for the world. I wish that I had not been so nervous. Yes, it was my first time, but not Jason's.

4: Now on to a question that may cause a rift with Jason and please be honest don't hold back to spare Jason's feeling, when Jason first arrived and you met Lucy what were you true feelings on him having her?

LOL okay, so my honest feelings about Lucy. Yeah, I was a bit intimidated when I saw her for the first time. If I had known about the snake, I might have got someone else into the room. After that initial holding though, Lucy and I became friends. Okay, maybe not friends but I can at least hold her without fear.

5: Now let's talk about your family finding out about you being gay. So your brother Josh let it slip about you being gay. Was there an ounce of relief that he told your family instead of you being the one to tell them? Also if it was told then how long do you think it would have been before you told them? If you did tell them would you have told your father before your mother?

Yeah, Josh kind of ticked me off when he let it slip that I am gay. Now, that being said, I don't hold grudges and I am forgave him. It needed to come out just not that way. No, it was a relief when I got to talk to my dad and we talked things out and got things set straight. I really don't know how long it would have taken me to tell them on my own. I've thought about this a lot, and I might have waited a little bit longer. I would have told them though before the engagement and before the wedding. I was scared to tell my dad, but honestly, I already knew that Mom would be the one to take it bad, and I was write.

6: One last question on Payton, now he returned to apologize and of course you were skeptical but talking with him and then finding out he had cancer only to die in a car accident. Was there any relief knowing that there was no way he could ever hurt you again?

I was skeptical of Payton when he came to apologize, but then when I found out about the cancer, I knew that I had to accept apology. I made peace with Payton before he died in the car accident. In fact, this might surprise you, but I was going to invite him to the wedding. I think Jason would have been okay with that happening.

7: Now on to your brother Trent, finding out you had a brother that was gay what was the first thing that came to mind wanting to help Trent to become more comfortable with himself?

The biggest thing was just letting Trent know that he could talk to Jason and I any time he needed too. I think it helped Trent too that I was gay. He could see that I was the same person that I was back home. I had not changed one bit, and hopefully that helped him. Plus I know my man talked to him also.

8: Finding out Trent had a crush on Jason, what were your true feelings on learning this?

If I had been a weaker man, I might have been a little jealous, but I know Jason and I know my brother. The couple of times there were issues, Trent did his best to handle them. Honestly what could I say, I mean Trent is my brother, and I kind of partial to my boyfriend.

9: On the night that Jason purpose to you and read the letter that he wrote you the night you came out to him, did you ever believe in all your years that you would find a guy like Jason that would love you and only you forever?

If you had told me after the fight with Payton that my next room-mate would change my life forever, I would have laughed in your face. Turns out that is exactly what happened. No, I never imagined in a million years that Jason and I would have made this far. I hope the best for Trent and Alex.

10: Now the last question, your wedding day a day you and Jason have waited for. A beautiful day for you both to only return home and have it ready for a night of love. Do you think that you and Jason will adopt a child in the future?

I know this answer is in my journal somewhere, but I can't find it right off the top of my head, but the answer to your question is yes. We want to adopt at least two kids. Siblings would be cool but if not then a boy and girl. We might even consider a special needs adoption.

I want to think Shaun for his time answering question.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to answer the questions.

• In case you don't know Jason and Shaun come from one of my stories called Jason and Shaun but I'm guessing that you already know this.

Just have to share this

http://paper.li/GoodBlogPosts22/1317303671

This link goes to blogpost that featured my poem Slip Away.  Freaking awesome people!  Thanks so much.

New Poem; Slip Away

Never met you face to face and yet you lived inside my soul. We lived miles and miles away from each other, and so what should have been spoken words were typed up characters on our monitors. We; I looked to our chats my eyes and my spirit held high while looking toward the sun. Your body was sick and in your pictures I saw the wear and tear on your skin and in your face. What I wanted was to hold you and to talk to you. Within me I could feel it and it was good. This emotion blossomed in me ; it breathed in me. I knew when you said it was Duchen's that time was working against us. Death, I knew would come to visit you and it's grasp you would fall from my heart, but instead of staying by your side and seeing it through, I decided to walk away to make things easier in my life. I let you go; I set you free and left you alone. My heart was not into leaving but my decision was right at the time, but now I sit in the pool of regret knowing that in the end my decision ; my choice was wrong. We never had a chance to say goodbye and it hurts; it hurts knowing that you left this life never knowing that I missed you after we missed you after we parted. Now as the time is approaching; the hour that we met is fastly approaching my heart is sinking; it's falling and falling fast. Babe, I miss you. I need you with me; I want you with me; but that can't happen. I love you my special friend.

Doesn’t Matter Who You Are

*** First off this piece is not about anyone. It's topic that came from some bit of inspiration. There have been people who at times in my life needed to have heard this particular piece of writing. Any way here it is enjoy.

You're not going to stand there telling me that I'm wrong for being me. I believe that what you see is just a reflection of your own soul. It doesn't matter who you are, you don't have a right to belittle me. Your arguments, your words, they won't change me. Still how much of your crap do I have to endure before you wake up to the fact that those words you spit are just building up walls. Walls that will cause our relationship to fall into ruins like Rome did after being sacked. Your right to speech may protect you and allow you to say what you want, but I too have a right to raise my middle finger to salute your ignorance