Shadow Void

Sometimes Too Much, Is Too Much

Lately things have been really hard. In the past month, I have had two guys who have tried to talk me out of my money. Not saying I am ready to give up on finding someone. Let's talk about guy number one, Guy number one was from California had two kids. He seemed super nice. Only one problem, his kids were in preschool and the preschool needed $1,000 or they couldn't be in preschool. Guess who he asked for money?? Second guy, was from Louisiana. He was supposedly latino, which is high up on my preference list. He was romantic, sexy, and way too hot for me. We texted, talked, and emailed for a month before he threw something out there. He needed money for a business. Didn't say how much money he needed just that he needed money.

So you know, if you contact me or like me on the site that I am on, your picture will be googled and checked to see if there are any red flags. Your profile will picked a part for any clues. You are not allowed to call me sweetie or any term of endurement until at least the 2^nd month of our relationship. IF you ask me for money, and I don't care about the amount, I will drop you like a sack of potatoes. So yeah, I actually had someone contact me last night whose pictures came back as being used in scams. So Yeah….till next time.

Bothersome Points: Body Size

This is what has been bugging me lately in fact it's been on my a lot lately. Never realized how insecure I am about my own body. I'm short, not a midget, not a dwarf, just short. I'm 5.5 feet tall and skinny. Imagine, you are on a date with me and my hair is dyed hiding all the gray. Apart from my beard and mustache. One of my favorite things to do lately is to walk along the beach. If it's cool out that means a sweater to protect my ears. I prefer if possible to hold the hands of the person that I am out walking the beach. It never occurred to me that someone could find that insulting. Not because I am gay, but they might be under the impression that I'm not an adult, which could mean my date could mistaken be accused of more than just my date. I don't want that to happen so as much as it pains me to be getting older and have gray hairs it bothers me a little bit. I want to look for them and that could mean dying my hair. If it bothers someone that I'm short, well it should be on them. Which is why I'm glad my sweetheart doesn't want me to dye my hair. He's held my hands in public, and even sat with me on the beach while people went by us. I don't know if anyone said anything or not as they passed because I was too interested in what we were doing which was just talking. Get your mind out of the gutter people.

Another problematic part of being my size is clothes shopping. I have to be clothes that fit me. This means buying clothes that are on the edge between adult sizes and kid sizes. It's a very hard balance to come up with something that looks good and not childish. Shoes, underwear, pants, shirts, and socks all have to come from a size that doesn't quite fit my 45 year old body.

Even my voice is bothersome. I have to feel the need to warn people before they call for the first time that I don't sound like a 45 year old guy. All I can is people need to know that I maybe small but I'm a still guy and still pretty awesome despite everything.

Orlando remembrance; Fixed up a bit

Fallen Lights

Night of joy turned to tears and fears as each bullet

flew into the air turning light into darkness. Lights

were quieted amongst the horror. A monster putting

fear in the hearts of those in the club. The lights

may be quieted but love and courage still found a

way to shine. In actions taken, in valor, and in love

expressed by words and prayers, the light spread out

from the heart of chaos. Each fallen light, a

life that won't walk away from this place. Hopes

and dreams draw to a close. It isn't fair

that love died side by side. Children not allowed

to say goodbye, parents waited to hear the fate of

their light. Now as a nation, we stand behind

them. We cover them in light that springs from

our hearts as we stand with them. A community

rises to let hate see that we will stand

against darkness. Our voices, our prayers united

in one purpose, not to bring back the fallen, but to

bring back the light to human hearts. Hate can't win

when united we stand, even when we're down for

a moment. We remember each story, each light

because it matters to each of us. It matters

cause their pain, their tears, they belong to us.

We are human, born in heaven as brothers and sisters.

Terror didn't win in Orlando. We won despite the

loss of light.

#OrlandoBrave Writing #1

Fallen Lights

Night of joy turned to tears and fears as each bullet

flew into the air turning light into darkness. Lights

were quieted amongst the horror. A monster putting

fear in the hearts of those in the club. The lights

maybe quieted but love and courage still found a

way to shine. In actions taken, in valor, and in love

expressed by words and prayers, the light spread out

from the heart of chaos. Each fallen light, a

life that won't walk away from this place. Hopes

and dreams draw to a close. It isn't fair

that love died side by side. Children not allowed

to say goodbye, parents wait to hear the fate of

their light. Now as a nation, we stand behind

them. We cover them in light that springs from

our heart as we stand with them. A community

rises to let hate see that we will stand

against darkness. Our voices, our prayers united

in one purpose, not to bring back the fallen but to

bring back the light to human hearts. Hate can't win

when united we stand, even when we're down for

a second. We remember each story, each light

because it matters to each of us. It matters

cause their pain, their tears, they belong to us.

We are human, born in heaven as brothers and sisters.

Terror didn't win in Orlando, we won despite despite the

lose of light.

Nature Weekends; Prehistoric Predators

Fast Facts Top Twenty

Prehistoric Predators

1.Cameraceras – A mollusk that is sort of squid like grew to an impressive 36 feet.

2.Brontoscorpio – The biggest scorpion of all scorpions lived 415 million years ago and feed on trilobites among other things.

3.Leedsichthys – Its considered to be the largest fish in the world coming in at 88 feet and was a filter feeder.

4.Allosaurus – It was known to hunt in packs and capable of taking down the dinosaurs as big as Diplodocus.

5.Utahraptor – It's the largest of the raptors, 19.5 feet long

6.Ornithocheirus – A pterosaur whose wingspan measured 40 ft and feed on fish.

7.Sarosuchus – This crocodile dates back some 121 million years ago and was 40 ft long and just for a little comparsion the Saltwater crocodile comes in at 22 ft long.

8.Giganotosaurus – The largest land predator was discovered in 1993.

9.Tarbosaurus – They chase their prey to either exhaustion or to injure it.

10.Velociraptor – The Velociraptor seen in the that famous dinosaur movie is not huge and not as smart as they would have been in real life.

11.Elasmosaurus – One fossil was found to contain around 250 pebbles in it's stomach. They swallowed them for ballast.

12.Tyrannosaurus – It is thought that they could consume 154 lbs of food in one seating.

13.Gastornis = Aka Terror bird, It stands at 7 ft and weighed around a ton?.

14.Ambulocetus – This creature is related to the modern day whales but hunted like a crocodile.

15.Andrewsarchus – This carnivore stands taller than a man and measured 18 feet long, its skull along measured 3 feet long.

16.Basilosaurus – This whale didn't have a blowhole.

17.Dorudon – This whale feeds on sharks.

18.Hyaenodon – It could reach to the size of a Rhino and could crush bones.

19.Carcharodon Megalodon – This shark which can reach 53 ft and it's mouth can open to 6.5 feet wide.

20.Smilodon – These saber-tooth cats feed on soft flesh of the body.

Orlando; My thoughts

I was on my way home after visiting a family friend. Sunday, I was on the smart phone and got onto Facebook. Everyone seemed to be talking about Orlando and it seemed bad. It wasn't until I got home and got online that I read what had happened. At first there was horror. I was scared for a second and then when watched 2Beeps videos on youtube. I'll put links to their videos at the end of this post. Their videos made me realize that I can't be afraid. We can't be afraid. There are people out there who hate us; people who want us dead just because of our sexual orientation. We survived Stonewall, we went through some truly dark days, and I know we will come away from this attack stronger. What I have seen in the wake of the shooting? I've seen people as far away as California in tears over what happened in Florida. I've heard more talk of gun control. It sickens me to think that this guy was able to get his hands on his weapons. He never should have been able to get the weapons. We need to enforce the laws that we have now. I understand that we are now getting the names of some of the victims along with the names we are getting their stories. Stories like one of a boyfriend who was shot in the back while trying to save his boyfriend. I heard about a guy who was hiding in the bathroom texting his mom. One of the final texts that he sent was to tell his mom that the shooter was in the bathroom. In the end, the shooter would claim 50 lives and injuried 53. While this attack was horrible and sad, we cannot allow this video to make us fearful. We need to hold be proud of who we are and we need to stand together. If you can do something to help then do it. If you can't and you believe in prayer, pray for the families and the victims. Stay strong, Stay true to who you, and don't allow fear to creep into your soul.

Sandhill Cranes

Each dark speck you see above the trees is a Sandhill crane. They come through my area as the end of February into March depending on the weather. Beautiful birds and love their haunting calls, they sound like geese, but slightly different. Sorry I can't provide a sample of their calls.

Time

I'm on a break from work this week and the past couple days have been nice. I went out with one nephew and his family. Today, I had another little adventure in the wilds of NW Indiana with another nephew and his girlfriend. Friday is to be an even better adventure. It is Saturday though that I am most looking forward too. Time this week may be just time, but to me it is beautiful. This month I have learned just how much time means to me. It means everything. Sometimes, I wish time would fly by and other times, I wish it would slow down. This week has been a mix of both and I am grateful for the time that I've had to spend both with my nephews and the special people in their lives, forging a new friendship, and expanding my knowledge.

Run Away

When I met you, my heart was elated. It was full with whatever that energy is that warms my heart and leaves me wanting more. The first date went without a hitch and I came away feeling incredible. We talked and talked and got to know each other over Chinese. The food good and so was the view. I think once or twice, I saw your eyes sparkle, and that made my heart flutter just a bit. After I got home, my mind began to race with one hundred thousand thoughts as I tore apart each word that left my mouth, and each sentence and glance that you gave me. I had to be sure that I had done my job and that nothing was left to chance. Into the next morning, I still found myself wondering if I had done all I could to show you that I was more than some words on a screen and more than my pictures could contain. Why I do this, I don't really know, but I do and it's crazy, but it's who I am. It's funny as much as I tried to find something, anything that felt wrong or should have raised flag, it couldn't be done. You had me stumped. For once, well maybe twice, it felt right to be meeting someone like yourself. It felt right to hold your hand as we talked and walked along a river and trees. It'll feel right time and time again when we talk and walk, talk and eat, or do whatever it is that we'll do. I think for once, I want to stay instead of finding something to cause you or me to run away. I don't know in that first date, things seem to be happen so much faster than I wanted, but it did and there is no way to undo what happened, but I'm glad that it did. Maybe the next date won't be so awkward and strange with so many thing that might make you walk away. I don't know if you see it, I don't know if felt it, but I was at peace as we talked and sat in the rain at the park. Thanks for not parting the waters on us finding our place. Thanks for not running.

Advice For The Youth Of Today

1.Be Yourself:

Don't let anyone tell you that there is anything wrong with who you are. You are perfect.

2.Allow yourself to grow:

Don't ever stop growing and reaching for the stars. You may never know how high you can reach.

3.Reach Out:

Don't allow others to dictate who you can be friends with and be friends with the friendless.

4.Participate:

Find something you enjoy and then find others who enjoy the same thing.

5.Always Be True:

Never turn your back on family or friends.

Your turn:

What advice would you give the youth of today?