Shadow Void

Nervous

Friday, March 1^st, 2013, the government's actions is making me worried. This sequester(?) is scary simply because right now it is the big unknown. Indiana's special education coops are facing a lose of $12.4 million. I admit that I have no idea how the actual budget for my employer is set up. They have not said anything at this point on the topic. I'm hoping it won't affect my job or the jobs of my friends. I know this crap is going to be widespread and that special education isn't the only area being rattled by this lousy situation. For a while, I am going to have to put my trust in the heavens and then let go and continue forward. Just some stress that I don't 'need or want. Guess, you will have to be along for the ride on this one.

Yesterday at work

We had a potentially dangerous situation at work on yesterday. We were on lock down for about an hour while police searched the area around the school for three armed men. I have to walk with one of the kids around the inside of the school during 6^th hour. Between 1:30 pm and 1:35, it was announced that we were going into a lock down and that anyone who was in the hallways needed to enter the nearest classroom immediately. Normally I would have returned to the junior high gym and been there with our 8^th graders while they finished their game and then supervised the kids from my class while they changed into their street clothes. Not yesterday, I was with the kid that I was walking with inside the high school gym. I kept thinking that I needed to be in the gym with the other kids. Then when I heard what the situation was, I became even more worried for their safety. Guess, I do care after all huh?

So It Has Started

We are two days into the school year. My thoughts on the school so far is that things are going to be okay. My patience is going to be tested. It always is tested every year so we will have to see what this year brings. I am working with a new co-worker who is amazing. We seem to be on the same wave length. Still, I don't fee; exactly comfortable yet. Let this week go through it's paces and I'll have a better idea of what the year is going to to bring. Talk to you later!

So…

So, tomorrow is the first day of school for the kids in my school system. I am excited to see the kids tomorrow. Of course there are some things about the day that I am not looking forward too, but they come with the job so it's all good. I'll be back to working on my stories in the morning. Yes…it means getting back into routine. I love it! I get to supervise some of the boys from the high school class in their gym class and then later in the day, I get to supervise kids from my class in their gym class. I found out that science will be second semester, so the preparation that I've been doing will need to redone to line it up better with what's going on in nature. Hopefully, I can count on the kids to be good. I just hope that I am able to do my job as I have in days past and hopefully, I can continue to learn and improve. I know that there is still much to learn.

Its Slowly Starting

Today I was up by 8:30 and out the door around 9:30 in the morning. I went in to work to help the teacher unpack the boxes. I don't know if I mentioned it at the end of last school year or not but we had to move out of our old room. Sad face! The new is smaller than the old room, but it's closer to the bathroom that we use with some of our kids, and it's closer to the lunch-room. We will see how things go for the rest of the year. She asked me about tomorrow, but I don't think that I'm going to go in. I've been really bad at working on my chapters for my stories, and I need to really work on it tomorrow. I spent a couple hours helping her unpack boxes and then we tried to figure out where to put stuff. Any way, that was my exciting day today. By the way, we don't go back till next week on the 23^rd.

Mysterious ways

You ever have something happen that didn't seem a big deal and then later, you realize that that event has somehow managed to make your day better. That was my day today…something happened yesterday at work, that directly impacted my day at work today. Just one kid being absent today made the day so much better. I hate to see a kid being absent from school, but I have to admit that it made the day a little bit better. It's especially true considering how high strung I am when the teacher is gone and then to add to it, the other aide was gone too. She was out due to her mom having surgery and I hope all is well.

Someone Asked…

A discussion at work brought up my book "Blake's Saga". Of course, the conversation was with a teacher. She asked me what the book was about and I sat there stumbling over my words. Why couldn't I get the words "gay" out of my mouth? I told her that the book was about a kid who got kicked of his home and ends up in another state, where he ends up living on the streets, and a cop and his partner ended up adopting him. She was sort of quiet. She asked me under what name the book was written, where it can be bought, and what format. What bothers me is that I was nervous to talk about the child of my creativity. I think because in having that conversation, I also had to potentially out myself at work. Not sure it's a good idea to be even slightly out at work. A part of me is afraid of being a "Blake" myself. I'm not sure it would bother me to be talked about because I'm pretty sure that I'm already talked about. What concerns me, and I've already talked about this in an earlier blog post, is the ramifications that this conversation might have on me or my job.

Bad day

I can't get into what happened but today was a rough day. This is one of those days where I could really use someone to talk too. For as bad as it was for me, it was even worse for my teacher. I love my job but this year is testing that love. There is no doubt that I need a vacation or something that helps to quench the flames of stress.

Full Moon? Nope

Today was one of the days. By the afternoon, all the adults in the classroom were ready to call it day by 11:30. Things were kind of crazy and I won't deny it, but I've seen the classroom in worse shape. It's always bad when you have two kids out of line. It's sort of a rock slide effect. One kid acts up and his behavior sets off someone else's behavior. It's like kicking a large rock off a mountain, that large rock hits another rock and then another until all craziness breaks lose. Luckily, the behaviors were contained to just two kids. The day went by without any more bad behaviors, which believe me was a good thing. By the end of the day, we were all feeling a little short of patience. Just thought I would share.

My Nephews’ Friends

Before I begin this actually get to the topic of this post, I want to first let everyone know that I love my readers especially Rick, Steve, and Ste and of course all the my regulars readers from Lifeout. Guys, I hope you all know that I care about you. Hope all is going well in your lives. I also want to say that the nephew's mentioned in this post are the children of my older brother. So here goes the actual post!

 

I have to say that I really do love my nephews despite all the headaches that I've got from them. One thing that I am not crazy about is that they can have big mouths. They have told friends of theirs that I am gay. Now once they put it out there who am I to deny it? Generally, they ask "Are you?" and I say "Yeah!". Most of their friends have been good about it. They know I am not going to hit on them and I try to make sure that they are at ease around me. I wonder at times how tight their lips are in relation to it. I am not losing any sleep over it but it does worry me a little bit each time that one of their friend's finds out. Only because I don't' want my sexuality to turning into a huge pile of crap. I just do not need the entire school knowing that I am gay. On the grand scheme of things, it really does not matter. In a perfect world, it would not matter at all, but since I work in a school, I try to keep things quiet. I just do not need someone finding out and making some huge stink over it. I have enough on my plate without adding that to it. There are people who would make a stink about it if things got out that I was gay. Any ways I really need to get on topic don't I? Two of their friends know that I am gay and they even know about the stash. No I don't have drugs. I have a few videos that I keep under lock and key. They are also fully aware that I would forever dislike them should they get into hiding place. I also don't' allow them in my room unless I am in here although that is more for my safety than their safety. I do not need someone getting into a tank and getting hurt or stealing something. Having their friends know that I am gay is a good thing. It lets them know that gay guys aren't after kids / teens. When they do bring it up in jest, I usually will make a comment like "Why would I want you when I can someone my own age?". One thing they also know is that I do not allow the use of gay slurs in my room. When I do hear it, I am quick to correct them not physically but verbally. I am really trying to get back to my roots as far as the blog goes and trying to come up material that actually gets me back to my roots. Well, I am out.